Default settings

So I was reading an article on the rise of the voice assistants (Siri, Cortana, Ok Google and the like) and one point the article made was about how, to make interaction easier, these voice assistants use default sources of information to answer questions (e.g. Wikipedia for factual information, NPR for news, etc.) rather than giving you the choice like Google offers when you search for something, and how most users would not be changing these defaults. Ultimately this means that the makers of these voice assistants will decide to a large extent what sources are used for us to get our information.

This led my thoughts to meander into a totally different direction of how our much of our lives are run on default settings. Some of the default settings I can immediately think of:

• Feeling tired/sleepy? Drink coffee/Coke
• Want to buy a book? Amazon
• Want to Google(!) something? Google
• Want to pass time? Lie on the sofa and watch TV
• Taking a break at work? Facebook
• Snack time? Biscuits/Kurkure
• Want to believe you've arrived in life? Buy a car and house
• Want to compare your success against a friend? Compare networth
• Not getting what you want from someone? Throw a tantrum

Default settings are great. They significantly lowers bandwidth consumption, and are a very efficient way to do things. In fact, I think we would not be able to be functional in our lives if we did not have default settings for a large part of what we do.

However, you'll notice that there are 2 kinds of default setting there. The first is where we have researched our options and then decided that a particular one is the best for us - for example, I find Kindle books to be the best way for me to read and I buy clothes from only a few brands where I know I like the designs and they fit me well. I don't even look at other options in these cases, because efficiency!

The other kind of default setting is more troubling though. These are either conditioning provided to us by society or slowly creep up upon us to become the default setting almost unbeknownst to us (sometimes, with a generous helping hand from media and consumer companies). Most of the time we never even consider questioning these, and ironically, these are the ones that have a much more significant impact on our lives. How we live our lives, what we give importance to and how we take care of our health and well-being matters so much more than where we buy our books or clothes from. The good thing is, we can research our options in these cases too and if we want, change these defaults:

• Snack time? Fruit
• Want to pass time? Read a book/Learn a new skill
• Want to compare your success against a friend? Stop comparing and count your own blessings

Remember when you moved from using a Windows computer to a Mac (or are you still stuck in default Windows mode?) or from a Nokia to an Android/iPhone? While you were excited, the initial few days were frustrating as you tried to figure out how the damn thing works. All the settings were different. Ultimately, however, you got the hang of it and now don't even need to think about how a particular feature works - you just know. Changing these default settings will be the same. It will be exciting but scary and frustrating sometimes, but just like you invested in that new computer/phone, you're investing in yourself here, so go ahead and fight it out. Ultimately this will become the new default setting and you won't even have to think about it!

Pause

So, since I left my job and then got married and then came back from my honeymoon and then kinda figured out what I want to do (whew!), I have had some time on my hands. It's been a good time to think and also learn more about myself.

One of the things I have noticed is that I can be very impulsive - one moment I'm doing something I am excited to do and then before I know it I'm on Facebook for the 5th time in the hour or reading news for the 20th time since morning. I'll eat healthy all day and then suddenly one moment pick up the box of peanuts and literally devour it. I'll have a sudden urge of guilt that I'm just lazing around and then driven by that guilt I'll dive into doing something 'productive'.... for 15 minutes.

Now there are obviously some simple solutions that can be applied to solve these and I do apply these to good effect. I mean, if you're checking Facebook too often, just log out or shut off the internet. If you are an impulse eater, just don't keep junk food in the house. And they have all worked for me.

But, as they say in medical speak, I find that these solutions cure the symptoms, not the problem. We cannot always control whether temptations are around us or not, and so these solutions seem designed to work only in some cases.

So what is the alternate?

Well, I'm slowly teaching myself to pause.

When I have an urge - and it could be a 'productive' or a 'non-productive' urge (what does 'productive' even mean?) - instead of acting on it, I stop what I'm doing, take a deep breath (sometimes metaphorically) and analyze it.

• Urge to check Facebook or read news for the 100th time - Why do I feel the urge to do this? Because I'm not really into what I'm doing currently (and if so, why am I doing it now (or at all)? Am I tired and should take a break? Am I eager to check if my 'friend' saw my comment on her post and 'liked' it or not - and can I acknowledge and hold that eagerness for some time till I take a break? Is there any particular news that I could read on the internet right now that would change my life permanently?

• Urge to devour those peanuts - Am I actually hungry (and can I get up and grab something healthier to eat in that case)? Am I looking for comfort food, and if so why? Do I just feel like rewarding myself for a job well done throughout the day, and will I be ruining that by devouring the whole box? Can I wait for 15 minutes and see if I still want to devour those peanuts?

• Feeling guilty about just lazing around - Why am I feeling guilty? What would I be rather working on achieving now than just lazing around - and is there a reason (fear?) for not working on that? Can I work on this thing I want to do without feeling guilty?

I've noticed that there is usually turbulence in my brain before/when I feel an urge, and the simple act of pausing can calm that turbulence - sometimes that's all it takes rather than having to do a deep analysis of the urge.

However, I am trying to get into the habit of analyzing the urges so I can handle them better going forward.

I've just started the journey, and I'm far from being able to control all my urges (I didn't check Facebook while writing this piece!), but I hope this helps me take less impulsive decisions as I grow.

What do you think?

War

So I'm home pretty early from work today, I should hit the gym... but damn, I'm feeling so tired... and sleepy... maybe I should just stay at home today.
NO, THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL EVERYDAY!

OK, maybe I'll just sit down and check what's happening on Facebook and then go.
DIDN'T YOU ALREADY CHECK FACEBOOK 10 TIMES IN OFFICE TODAY?

OK, fine, I'm feeling lazy today, maybe I'll just go for a short run.
BUT THAT WAS YOUR RATIONALE ON SATURDAY TOO, GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO TO THE GYM.

OK, fine! Let me check if I have enough money to renew my subscription... oh damn, I don't...
THEY ALSO ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS.

Damn you inner voice!


Call me crazy, but everyday I am at war with myself. My body, my brain resists any change, anything that requires effort, anything that's painful. And then I have to fight back against myself, overcome the resistance, bit by bit, day after day - it's a daily game of attrition.

Exercising vs. the comfort of the sofa - WAR!
Healthy eating vs. dinner of Indian sweets - WAR!
Reading vs. watching HIMYM - WAR!
Practicing the piano vs. Facebook - WAR!

I recently read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield and hated every minute of the time I was reading it. Why? Because every word he says in the book is true, and I know it. There are a lot of great things he says in the book, but one of the key ideas is that to achieve anything, first you have to overcome Resistance. Resistance from whom? From your own self!

So what's my motivation for fighting against myself and going through the pain of overcoming Resistance today, because it will be there tomorrow too, and the day after, and the day after that...

Two reasons: One, I feel a little better about myself, that I've achieved that teeny weeny bit more today by successfully overcoming Resistance, than I had yesterday, and that's progress, and that's a great feeling. That 1.5K I ran that I wouldn't have run otherwise - progress. Those 25 pushups I did so I can do 30 tomorrow - progress. The knowledge that I'll sleep like a baby tonight - priceless!

Two, I know that if I beat Resistance today, for sure it will be there tomorrow too, but I will be better prepared to fight it again, I will be a little more resilient than I was yesterday, and my chances of winning will be higher. As I said earlier, it's a game of attrition, and it'll never stop, but it will get easier as I beat down Resistance day after day.

So what's my key for overcoming Resistance? Just start. Don't worry about how much you'll be able to run, just put on your shoes and go downstairs first. Don't worry about how successful your piano practice will be, just sit at the piano first, and it will be alright. Because running 1K is better than 0K. Because tomorrow you will be able to run 1.1K. Playing and messing up repeatedly is better than not playing at all. because tomorrow your fingers will remember all you learnt the day before and won't make the same mistakes. Because starting is progress.

It's all in the mind - Part 2

So, in my previous blog post I described the tools I used to stay the course and achieve my weight loss goal. However, once I got to my goal and became sexier (as if that was possible...), I found it difficult to continue with the diet plan. First, it was my cousin's wedding where I hogged on Indian food and sweets (but that was the plan all along), and even after returning, I have not been able to get back to the old routine. So what's the plan now? I have just started implementing these, so don't know if all of them will work long-term, but let's see.

Staying the course - long-term
A focused effort to achieve a certain goal has certainly worked for me, and that's great, but I guess we've all been there and then slowly gotten back to square one. So what to do once you've achieved your goal to not lose it all?

• Lifestyle change - I think one of the keys is to change the focus from a short-term goal to a long-term lifestyle change (e.g. going from "I want to lose xx inches/kgs" to "I want to stay healthy, be able to run around, climb stairs without huffing and puffing, etc."). I'm not sure how specific the long-term goals should be to be sustainable, but maybe having a certain weight/waist target (as an example) can act as a timely deterrent.
• Moderation - Linked to the above is also the concept of moderation. The diet I was doing, as I said earlier, was pretty extreme for someone used to eating Indian food, so it might not be a long-term plan for me. And I've also realised that I can't stay away from sweets long-term. So what do I do? How about instead of cutting out rice/roti altogether, I limit the amount I have and focus on eating more dal and vegetables? How about having Indian food only say 3-4 times a week instead of almost every meal? How about starting exercising again and rewarding myself with a piece of sweet every time I exercise?
• Substitution - One of the main times when my resolve breaks down is when I'm hungry already and don't have anything available to eat beside me. The key here for me is to have available healthy (but still tasty) alternatives at hand so I don't go and buy junk. I now keep a box of nuts and seeds in my bag, and also cucumbers, carrots and tomatoes at home, which are great for snacking (foods that need extra munching are better so you don't gulp them down).  I had earlier substituted chocolates after dinner with fruits, with great results.
• Enjoy it - While I was on my diet, I tried new foods, new recipes, and some of them were great. However, I haven't tried most of them again since getting off my diet. Is this because my mind has classified them as 'diet-food'? I'm going to try out those recipes again since they're healthy and tasty at the same time. Why not?

What other tips do you have to stay the course?

It's all in the mind

So, a couple of months back I decided to get back in shape (not that round is not a shape*). Not being sure I would be able to gym regularly since I was traveling a lot (and also feeling lazy), I decided instead to focus on what I'm eating. I had bought Tim Ferriss' 4-Hour Body some time back, and liked what I had read, so decided to try out the Slow Carb Diet he recommends. I won't be going through the specifics of the diet here (many resources available on the net, for example summary here), and while it worked wonders for me, I'm not recommending it over other diets since I have no clue. But here is what I've learnt over the last couple of months.

It's all in the mind
It's not like I haven't considered dieting or getting back in shape before, it's not like I didn't know about the benefits (cosmetic as well as internal), it's not like I haven't tried before, it's just that something inside told me I wanna/gotta do it *period*. Maybe that something was knowing that I would be meeting family in a month or so, maybe it was not wanting to look at an Indian Belly^TM every morning in the mirror, maybe it was a combination of several factors, I haven't figured out yet. However, once my mind was made up, I was stubborn about doing it right, no exceptions. Mind you, the Slow Carb Diet is not an easy one to follow, especially for us Indians since it cuts out all roti, rice, bread, sugar, milk and fruits. But I did it continuously for three weeks, even though I was traveling and sometimes did not have access to foods of my choice, and lost 4.5 kgs in the process. So here is what I learnt:

• It's all in the mind - You cannot get back in shape unless you really want to and are willing to take the pain for it. So I recommend that instead of trying when your heart is not really into it and then failing and then feeling guilty and then binge-eating because of the guilt, do it only when you're ready. If you're not ready, it's impossible; if you're ready, you will do it.
• Stay the course - Once you've made up your mind, stay the course. No cheating on a 'little bit' of sugar, or 'one bite' of bread. Once you start cheating, you rationalise every cheat and it's downhill from there on. During my travels, client dinners, etc., I stayed the course - it is a big motivational boost in itself. Also, the diet recommends one cheat day a week, which helped since I had a reward to look forward to for being good during the week (mind you, once you start eating healthy, you can't eat too much of unhealthy foods no matter how much you like them!). 
• Cravings - Related to the point above, you will have cravings, and what I've learnt about cravings is that they disappear after a few minutes (yes, just a few minutes). So, when you have a craving:
• Notice the craving, acknowledge it, even say it out loud if you want, but don't act on it knowing that it will pass in a few minutes (I'm going all Buddhist now!). Acknowledging a craving made it easier for me than beating myself up for craving sugar.
• Distract yourself - You can either focus on the craving and add fuel to the fire, or distract yourself with something else and make it go away.
• Publicise - Another trick related to staying the course that I had read about and employed was to publicise that you're doing a diet/exercise regimen/whatever else you're doing. I told my family and my colleagues that I had started a diet and that it was so great, etc. Publicising it forces you to stay the course when your resolve wavers for the fear of losing face or being made fun of. It is a powerful motivator!
• Do it together - Related to publicising is to do the diet along with someone rather than alone, so you can keep motivating each other. As an example, when I started running regularly back in 2010, it was because I was running with a colleague. Even though we both worked long hours, we lived in the same building complex and would come back home together (sometimes at 10pm) and just say to each other, "see you downstairs in 5 mins". Having another person involved motivates you and also makes you feel more responsible.
• Measure progress - Having a goal, and measuring against it (in my case checking my weight and the size of my belly every morning) helped immensely. When you're making progress and you can measure it, it motivates you to 'Keep Walking'. As Peter Drucker said, "What gets measured gets managed".
• Will power - One of the most insightful statements I've read was in a book by Dan John some time back is that we have only a certain amount of will power every day, and so we should use it wisely. Looking back, I was able to stick with the plan because (i) my work load was much lesser than what it has been for the last 4 years, (ii)  I decided not to overdo it and so did not add working out also to my regimen, (iii) I created a process/routine around many things so I would not have to apply my brain too much to it - so for e.g. boiling eggs the previous night itself, squeezing many lemons (for the lemon water I had every morning) at one go and storing the juice in a bottle, eatings the same foods that worked for me again and again rather than trying to create/buy something new every day, etc. I believe different people have different levels of will power, but know how much you have and use it wisely (i.e. don't use all of the week's will power in one day).

All of the above helped me in the course of my diet. However, retaining the benefits of a diet plan/exercise regimen is a whole different ball game (we've all been there, I guess). In my next post, I'll write down my thoughts on how I plan to not go back to square one.

* My blog will be littered with old and bad jokes, deal with it! 

Why?

So, everyday I learn something - something about myself, something about the world, something about how things work, life hacks... the works. Now, given that I'm past 30 already and have a failing memory (;)), I think it's better for me to create a log of what I've learnt so I don't have to relearn the same things! And while I'm at it, why not share it with my friends :) Thus, this blog. Also hope that everyone who reads my posts can add to it with their own insights, so I can learn from you too.

Hopefully, making this blog public will encourage/pressure me to post more regularly (unlike my 100 previous blogs...). We shall see!