Pause

So, since I left my job and then got married and then came back from my honeymoon and then kinda figured out what I want to do (whew!), I have had some time on my hands. It's been a good time to think and also learn more about myself.

One of the things I have noticed is that I can be very impulsive - one moment I'm doing something I am excited to do and then before I know it I'm on Facebook for the 5th time in the hour or reading news for the 20th time since morning. I'll eat healthy all day and then suddenly one moment pick up the box of peanuts and literally devour it. I'll have a sudden urge of guilt that I'm just lazing around and then driven by that guilt I'll dive into doing something 'productive'.... for 15 minutes.

Now there are obviously some simple solutions that can be applied to solve these and I do apply these to good effect. I mean, if you're checking Facebook too often, just log out or shut off the internet. If you are an impulse eater, just don't keep junk food in the house. And they have all worked for me.

But, as they say in medical speak, I find that these solutions cure the symptoms, not the problem. We cannot always control whether temptations are around us or not, and so these solutions seem designed to work only in some cases.

So what is the alternate?

Well, I'm slowly teaching myself to pause.

When I have an urge - and it could be a 'productive' or a 'non-productive' urge (what does 'productive' even mean?) - instead of acting on it, I stop what I'm doing, take a deep breath (sometimes metaphorically) and analyze it.

• Urge to check Facebook or read news for the 100th time - Why do I feel the urge to do this? Because I'm not really into what I'm doing currently (and if so, why am I doing it now (or at all)? Am I tired and should take a break? Am I eager to check if my 'friend' saw my comment on her post and 'liked' it or not - and can I acknowledge and hold that eagerness for some time till I take a break? Is there any particular news that I could read on the internet right now that would change my life permanently?

• Urge to devour those peanuts - Am I actually hungry (and can I get up and grab something healthier to eat in that case)? Am I looking for comfort food, and if so why? Do I just feel like rewarding myself for a job well done throughout the day, and will I be ruining that by devouring the whole box? Can I wait for 15 minutes and see if I still want to devour those peanuts?

• Feeling guilty about just lazing around - Why am I feeling guilty? What would I be rather working on achieving now than just lazing around - and is there a reason (fear?) for not working on that? Can I work on this thing I want to do without feeling guilty?

I've noticed that there is usually turbulence in my brain before/when I feel an urge, and the simple act of pausing can calm that turbulence - sometimes that's all it takes rather than having to do a deep analysis of the urge.

However, I am trying to get into the habit of analyzing the urges so I can handle them better going forward.

I've just started the journey, and I'm far from being able to control all my urges (I didn't check Facebook while writing this piece!), but I hope this helps me take less impulsive decisions as I grow.

What do you think?